SCRAMBLED EGGS

I love scrambled eggs. Having spent two summers in Mexico before going into the Peace Corps, it was there that I learned how to say scrambled eggs in Spanish: huevos revueltos [literally, revolved eggs]. So, on my first morning in San José, Costa Rica, I went into a little coffeeshop and ordered, with complete confidence, huevos revueltos. The young waitress wrinkled her nose, gave me a funny look, and feigned complete ignorance of what I was talking about. Nonplussed, I asked her if she knew what huevos were. Yes, of course, she knew that. I then gave a little demonstration with my hands of someone beating eggs in a bowl. She laughed and said that I must have learned that expression in another country because in Costa Rica they said huevos picados [chopped eggs]. I thanked her for correcting me and asked her if she could bring me two huevos picados. She smiled and said she would be more than happy to do so.

The next morning I went into the same coffeeshop, but this time it was a different waitress. When I ordered huevos picados, I got the same reaction as the previous morning: a wrinkled nose and a funny look. Puzzled, I repeated the little demonstration of beating an egg. The waitress laughed and said I must have learned that expression in some other country because in Costa Rica they didn’t use that term. When I asked her what they said in Costa Rica, she said they used the term huevos pateados [kicked eggs]. I thanked her for correcting me and asked for two huevos pateados.

The third morning I went into the same coffeeshop, but again, it was a different waitress. When I ordered huevos pateados, I got the same reaction as the previous two mornings: a wrinkled nose and a funny look. Puzzled, I repeated the little demonstration of beating eggs in a bowl. The waitress laughed and said I must have learned that expression in some other country because in Costa Rica they didn’t use that term. Now I was completed baffled. Were these girls playing games with me? What, pray tell, did they say in Costa Rica? She said huevos pateados was a very vulgar way of saying it and only hillbillies used that expression. When she asked me if I’d like to know the correct way of saying it, I nodded my head vigorously and said I was dying to know. “Well,” she said, “the correct way of saying it is huevos revueltos,” and she recommended that I memorize the expression so that I wouldn’t embarrass myself in the future.

My mouth dropped open. I was stunned. “Well,” I said, “please bring me some huevos revueltos or huevos picados or huevos pateados or whatever you want to call them. But please do it before I starve to death.”